Emotionally Charged Towel #13

I've recently likened my luck with men to my luck with playing the powerball. When I lay down my money on a ticket (usually only when the jackpot equals a number that I'm enticed by) I do it on the day of the drawing so that I have a few hours to fantasize about winning the money. I figure out what my lump sum would be and begin spending backwards from there. To be without debt, to see my family and friends content with things I could finally help them out with, to own a house, to actually be able to get my own film projects off the ground, to have some security for the future. Oh, the ways that an ass load of money can make the world go round. I smile for my few hours until the drawing, positive that I actually stand a chance in being awarded a giant novelty check with a whole lotta zeroes on it. Then I check the numbers and I'm not even close to having one of the numbers. Ce la vie. Into the shredder with the ticket and back to fastidiously balancing my checkbook.
When I become interested in someone, be it over the course of months, days, even seconds across a room, I hear the ticket printing out of the machine. I then know it's only a matter of time to the big reveal so I begin filling the slots in my life with the winnings of a rich relationship. Waking up with someone next to me. Sharing a movie with someone who wants to hold my hand. Meeting their friends and family. Being inspired by their own ambitions. Fighting when things wrong. Making up when things go right again. Tasting foods that they've made that no one else can make like them. Adding their playlists to mine. Having someone to scratch my back when I can't reach it. Knowing the intimate details of their touch. Crying because he knows how to get to me. Losing my breath because he knows how to make me laugh. Having a guy to know who wants to know me. There's a lot riding on this type of lottery.
Usually though, the drawing ends up a bust. Either they're straight, they've got more issues than a comic book shop, or something just didn't fit. Ce la vie. I gave it a shot.
I fuss with the love lotto though everyday because I see that the potential payout is greater than any chunk of change could ever be. I know that I'll keep trying because I actually have a shot at a reward that I deserve and so I'll dream of the day that I can accept that giant novelty check with some great guy's name written in the 'dollars' slot and a whole bunch of hearts where the zeroes would have been.